Strong Girl: We Need to Stop Teaching Girls to Be Smaller

We need to stop teaching girls to be smaller.

Smaller bodies. Smaller appetites. Smaller voices. Smaller dreams. Smaller lives.

And before you think I’m only talking about diet culture, weight loss, or the messages our daughters see on social media, I want you to look a little deeper. Because sometimes we teach girls to be smaller without ever actually saying those words.

We praise the girl who “hardly ate.” We compliment the teenager for losing weight. We tell her she has a “good body” because she fits into a certain size. We talk about needing to lose five pounds while our daughters are sitting in the room. We criticize our stomachs when we get dressed. We apologize for eating dessert. We label foods as “good” or “bad.” We celebrate shrinking.

And our daughters are watching.

I Know This Because I Was That Girl

My own relationship with my body has not always been healthy. I grew up in a culture where being thin was often equated with being beautiful, disciplined, desirable, and worthy. Like so many women, I absorbed those messages without even realizing how deeply they were shaping the way I saw myself. I grew up in the era of “fat free” so protein and high nutrient foods were definitely not on the “eat more” list, and it really affected my body. Not only did I get down to an unhealthy weight of 103 lbs at 5’9, but my circulation plummeted leaving me with Raynaud type symptoms and a grey/blue tipped nose. I didn’t get my first period until 16. I lived daily with digestive issues and discomfort which made school and sports even more difficult.

As a teenager, I struggled with anorexia. I learned very early that I could manipulate my body. I learned how to make it smaller. What I didn't learn was how to make it strong. A lot of my friends were the “5’2, eyes of blue” type girls and they made 5’9, curvy me feel like a giant. I couldn’t share my friends clothes and shoes like they could. I felt like an outcast. What lies the enemy speaks!!

I didn't understand that my body wasn't my enemy. I didn't understand that food wasn't something to fear. I didn't understand that my worth had absolutely nothing to do with the number on a scale, the size of my jeans, or whether I looked like the women I saw in magazines.

And those lessons stayed with me for years.

Even after becoming a personal trainer and wellness coach, I had to continue unlearning the idea that health was primarily about how my body looked. I learned that there is a tremendous difference between pursuing health and pursuing a certain appearance. One can come from a place of stewardship and gratitude. The other can easily become an endless pursuit of never being enough.

Now, as a mom raising a daughter, I see just how important this distinction is.

I don’t want my daughter to spend her life at war with her body. I don’t want her to believe her greatest accomplishment will be becoming smaller. I want her to understand that her body is God’s workmanship and that taking care of her temple is an act of stewardship—not punishment.

Your Daughter Was Never Created to Disappear

Think about some of the language girls hear from the time they are young.

“Get skinny.”

“Watch your calories.”

“Don’t eat too much.”

“You don’t want to get big.”

“She looks so much better now that she’s lost weight.”

Even when these comments aren’t directed at them, girls are absorbing them. They’re learning what our culture considers valuable. They’re learning that a woman’s body is something that should constantly be evaluated, corrected, improved, and, most importantly, made smaller.

What if we changed the conversation?

What if instead we talked about strength, energy, nourishment, confidence, resilience, and health? What if we taught our daughters that food isn’t something they need to earn? It is a GIFT from God. That movement isn’t punishment for eating? That muscles are something to celebrate? That rest matters? That taking care of their bodies is more important than trying to fit their bodies into an ever-changing beauty standard?

What if we taught them how to build a strong body instead of constantly trying to shrink one?

That is a completely different message.

And it is one I desperately want the next generation of girls to hear.

Our Bodies Are Not the Problem

Our culture has become incredibly comfortable talking about women’s bodies. Too big. Too small. Too curvy. Too muscular. Too soft. Too much. Not enough. It has also become entirely too focused on how to show as much of it as possible without it being legally wrong. Think about it. There was a time not to long ago where women wore swim dresses on the beach, and even had changing station placed all along these beaches to change into them before walking quickly into the water as to not “show too much.” What am I saying? We have been entire too focused on bodies in general, and not focused enough on what God wants us to do and use with those bodies.

But Scripture gives us an entirely different foundation.

Psalm 139:14 tells us, “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made.”

Think about what that means for a girl growing up in a world that constantly tells her she needs to change.

She is not an accident. She is not a mistake. Her body is not something that needs to be hated into submission or constantly corrected until it meets someone else’s definition of beautiful.

She was wonderfully made.

By God.

On purpose.

That doesn’t mean we shouldn’t care of our health. In fact, I believe the opposite. When we understand that our bodies are gifts from God, caring for them becomes even more important. But there is a difference between caring for your body and being consumed by your body.

There is a difference between stewardship and obsession.

This Is Why I Created the Strong Girl Journal

This distinction became incredibly important to me when I began creating the Strong Girl Journal.

I didn’t want to create another book that teaches girls how to diet. I didn’t want to give them another list of foods they’re “allowed” and “not allowed” to eat. I didn’t want to teach them that their value can be measured in calories, pounds, inches, or clothing sizes.

I wanted to create something different.

The Strong Girl Journal is designed to help girls understand how to care for the body God gave them. It teaches them about nutrition and how protein, carbohydrates, and healthy fats fuel their bodies. It encourages movement, strength, sleep, hydration, reflection, prayer, and healthy habits. It creates space for them to think about who they are, what they believe, and how they want to care for themselves.

Most importantly, it puts those conversations within a Christian framework.

Because I don’t want girls to simply learn how to take care of their bodies. I want them to understand why their bodies are worth taking care of.

Their worth doesn’t come from their appearance.

Their worth comes from their Creator.

Strong Doesn’t Mean She Never Struggles

I don’t want to raise girls who think being strong means they will never struggle with insecurity.

They will.

There will be days when they don’t like what they see in the mirror. There will be moments when they compare themselves to someone else. Someone will make a comment about their body. Social media will make them feel like they aren’t enough. They may struggle with food. They may struggle with confidence. They may wonder why their body doesn’t look like someone else’s.

Our job isn’t to convince them they’ll never struggle.

Our job is to give them a foundation strong enough to stand on when they do.

That foundation isn’t perfection. It isn’t a certain weight or clothing size. It isn’t being the prettiest girl in the room.

It is knowing that she is loved.

It is knowing that she has value.

It is knowing that her body is worthy of care.

It is knowing that she doesn’t have to earn her worth.

It is knowing that she was created on purpose and for a purpose.

And it is knowing that she can be strong without being ashamed of taking up space.

Our Daughters Are Watching Us

This may be the hardest part of all for us as mothers.

Our daughters don’t just listen to what we tell them.

They watch what we do.

They hear us criticize our bodies. They see us step on the scale. They notice when we skip meals. They hear us say, “I shouldn’t be eating this.” They watch us hide our bodies. They hear us constantly talk about needing to lose weight.

And without realizing it, we can teach them that being a woman means never feeling comfortable in your own skin.

So maybe the change starts with us.

Maybe we stop saying, “I need to be smaller,” and start saying, “I want to be stronger.”

Maybe we stop saying, “I can’t eat that,” and start talking about learning which foods nourish and energize our bodies.

Maybe we stop exercising because we hate our bodies and start moving because we’re grateful for what our bodies are capable of.

Maybe we stop chasing an impossible version of ourselves and start showing our daughters what it looks like to care for ourselves without hating ourselves.

Because they are watching.

And what we model may be far more powerful than anything we ever tell them.

God Didn’t Call Us to Shrink

Jesus said in John 10:10, “I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly.”

Abundant life doesn’t sound like constantly trying to take up less space.

It sounds like living fully.

It sounds like strength. It sounds like purpose. It sounds like joy. It sounds like confidence. It sounds like a girl who knows who she is and, more importantly, knows whose she is.

That’s the kind of Strong Girl I want to raise.

Not a girl who is obsessed with being smaller, but a girl who understands that her body is a gift. A girl who learns how to fuel it, move it, rest it, and care for it. A girl who understands that being feminine doesn’t mean being fragile. A girl who knows that strength and softness can coexist. A girl who knows that her worth isn’t something the world gets to measure.

And most importantly, a girl who knows she was created by God on purpose, for a purpose.

That’s why I created the Strong Girl Journal.

Not to give girls another set of rules for how they should look, but to help them build a healthy relationship with their bodies, food, movement, faith, and themselves.

Because I don’t want the next generation of women to spend their lives trying to become smaller.

I want them to become stronger.

Let’s Talk

I want to hear from you.

What is one message about your body that you wish you had learned when you were a girl?

Maybe it was something you were told. Maybe it was something you believed. Maybe it’s something you wish someone had taught you sooner.

Leave a comment and share your story. And then ask yourself one more question:

What message am I teaching the girls who are watching me?

Because we have an opportunity to change the conversation.

One girl. One mother. One generation at a time.