Why Our Daughters Need To Be Strong-Not Skinny

Somewhere along the way, we started teaching our girls that the goal was to be skinny. Maybe we didn't say it out loud. Maybe we never sat our daughters down and said, “You need to be skinny.” But they heard it anyway. They see it in the pictures on their phones. They hear it in conversations between women. They watch us criticize our own bodies. They notice when Mom skips dessert because she “wasn't good today.” They hear us talk about needing to lose five pounds before vacation. And little by little, they begin to believe that a smaller body must somehow be a better body.

I don't want that for my daughter. And I hope you don't want it for yours.

I want our girls to get strong.

Not skinny. Strong.

I want a girl to look in the mirror and see more than the size of her jeans. I want her to know that her body was created to live in, not constantly be judged. I want her to care about what her body can do instead of obsessing over what it looks like. I want her to be able to carry something heavy, run hard, climb, jump, dance, hike, play sports, chase her kids someday, work hard, and get back up when life knocks her down. I want her to understand that muscle is not something to be afraid of. Strength is not masculine. Strong isn't ugly. Strong isn't “too big.” Strong is capable.

And honestly, I wish someone had taught more of us this when we were girls.

Because so many of us grew up believing that our bodies were a problem to solve. We learned to count calories before we learned how to nourish ourselves. We learned how to hide our stomachs before we learned how to strengthen our core. We learned to compare ourselves to other women before we learned that there was never supposed to be one specific way a woman was supposed to look.

And now we have an opportunity to do something different for our daughters.

We can change the conversation.

Instead of asking our girls, “Do you think you've gained weight?” we can ask, “How are you feeling? Are you sleeping? Are you eating enough? Are you getting stronger? Are you taking care of yourself?” Instead of making exercise something she has to do because she ate too much, we can teach her that movement is a gift. Instead of putting foods into categories of “good” and “bad” and teaching her to feel guilty when she eats the “bad” ones, we can teach her that food gives her body energy, nutrients, growth, strength and fuel.

And here's something I really want moms to hear: your daughter is watching you.

I know. That's a hard one.

She is watching how you talk about your own body. She is listening when you stand in front of the mirror and say, “I look terrible.” She notices when you refuse to be in pictures because you don't like how you look. She hears you talk about how you need to lose weight. And even if you're saying those things about yourself, she may quietly start wondering if those same rules apply to her.

That doesn't mean we have to pretend we love every single thing about our bodies every single day. I'm not going to tell you to stand in front of the mirror and magically love everything you see. That's not real life.

But we can learn to respect our bodies even on the days we don't love them.

We can teach our daughters that our worth was never determined by a number on a scale, a clothing size, a thigh gap, a flat stomach, or how closely we resemble whatever woman happens to be trending on social media this week.

Our girls are growing. Their bodies are changing. Hormones are changing. Their hips may change. Their breasts may change. Their weight may fluctuate. They may get taller. They may fill out. They may gain muscle. They may look completely different at 16 than they did at 12, and that's okay.

Their bodies are supposed to change.

We don't need to put them on a lifelong diet in the middle of puberty. We don’t need to comment on every relative, actress on the movie screen, celebrity on the doom scroll about if they have gained weight or “wow, she has really lost weight….must be on Ozempic! She looks terrible!”

We need to teach them how to eat.

We need to teach them how to move.

We need to teach them how to rest.

We need to teach them how to fuel their growing bodies with protein, healthy carbohydrates, healthy fats, fruits and vegetables, and enough food to actually support growth.

We need to teach them that strength training isn't about shrinking themselves. It's about building something.

And maybe most importantly, we need to teach them that their bodies are not their identity.

Because our daughters are so much more than what they look like.

They are daughters. Friends. Sisters. Athletes. Artists. Leaders. Dreamers. Future wives and mothers for many, maybe not for others. They are women in the making. They have gifts and talents and minds and hearts and purposes that have absolutely nothing to do with the circumference of their waist.

And as a Christian mom, I want my daughter to know that she was created on purpose.

God didn't accidentally make her.

He didn't make a mistake when He gave her the body she has.

Psalm 139:14 says, “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made.”

Not perfectly made according to Instagram.

Not made to fit into a certain dress size.

Not made to look like her friend.

Wonderfully made.

That changes everything.

So let's stop raising girls who are afraid of getting bigger and start raising girls who aren't afraid of getting stronger.

Let's stop making “skinny” the finish line.

Let's teach our girls to build strong bodies, strong minds, strong faith and strong character.

Because someday, I don't want my daughter to look back at pictures of herself at 13 and wish she had been smaller.

I want her to look back and think, “I wish I knew then how incredibly strong I really was.”

And maybe that's the gift we can give our girls.

Not another diet.

Not another measuring tape.

Not another set of rules about what their bodies are supposed to look like.

But the freedom to grow into the woman God created them to be, and the confidence to know that strong was always more important than skinny.

That is what I want for my girl.

And honestly?

That is what I want for every girl.

If you would like to help encourage a girl in your life on this journey, considering gifting her a copy of my Strong Girl Journal. You can find it HERE.